Friday, September 17, 2010

Not my cup of Tea

This week has been full of sick, whiny, disobedient children. Which has caused me to go nuts! If I wasn't nuts enough already. I originally thought I was finally getting this SAHM thing down. Staying organized, on routine, and happy about being at home. Then towards the end of the week I started feeling down. Which does not make any sense since I love my children, husband and being able to have the choice to stay at home with them. While reeling through the mountainous thoughts of why or what is making me feel this way it hit me. Not being busy, involved, feeling self worth makes me feel down. Do not get me wrong being a SAHM is hard work and very stressful and gratifying. It is hard for me though to feel like I get things accomplished. When I worked we had daily goals and tasks that had to be accomplished and you would move on to the next. With being a SAHM you get one thing done and have to repeat over and over and over again. It feels like the work is never ending and that nothing is getting accomplished. Some days are full of whining, sick disobedient children. If feels like you are getting paid in screams and tears. Other days are full of hugs and kisses and I love yous. Those are the best days. It is much harder then I ever imagined to be a SAHM. I am  task orientated and goal orientated and I feel completely lost some days. I am at this constant battle that if I go back to work I am taking something away from my children but if I stay home am I going to continue to have days where I feel the sense of lost self worth. Sometimes I just wish my brain would shut off. I need an outlet sitting at home every night while my husband works until 1 am gives a person a lot of time to think and gets really lonely. I wish I had family that lived near by or a sister I could share stories with and events that happened through out the day.

1 comment:

  1. I'm one that loves being able to stay at home with the kids BUT there are those moments that leave me wanting to pull my hair out! LOL Thankfully when I stop and look the great moments far out weigh the bad ones. Like just now Bri was dancing around the dining room and I was able to help Zach get dressed for the day and then plank a kiss on his fore head :-)
    What helps me is planning special activities for my family together, dates with my hubby, or even girlfriend time. While I may only get to do one of these weekly it sure helps :-)
    Hope tonight cheers you up and is just what the doctor ordered for the stay at home mom! :-)