Friday, September 17, 2010
Not my cup of Tea
This week has been full of sick, whiny, disobedient children. Which has caused me to go nuts! If I wasn't nuts enough already. I originally thought I was finally getting this SAHM thing down. Staying organized, on routine, and happy about being at home. Then towards the end of the week I started feeling down. Which does not make any sense since I love my children, husband and being able to have the choice to stay at home with them. While reeling through the mountainous thoughts of why or what is making me feel this way it hit me. Not being busy, involved, feeling self worth makes me feel down. Do not get me wrong being a SAHM is hard work and very stressful and gratifying. It is hard for me though to feel like I get things accomplished. When I worked we had daily goals and tasks that had to be accomplished and you would move on to the next. With being a SAHM you get one thing done and have to repeat over and over and over again. It feels like the work is never ending and that nothing is getting accomplished. Some days are full of whining, sick disobedient children. If feels like you are getting paid in screams and tears. Other days are full of hugs and kisses and I love yous. Those are the best days. It is much harder then I ever imagined to be a SAHM. I am task orientated and goal orientated and I feel completely lost some days. I am at this constant battle that if I go back to work I am taking something away from my children but if I stay home am I going to continue to have days where I feel the sense of lost self worth. Sometimes I just wish my brain would shut off. I need an outlet sitting at home every night while my husband works until 1 am gives a person a lot of time to think and gets really lonely. I wish I had family that lived near by or a sister I could share stories with and events that happened through out the day.